One Patient's Positive Perspectives

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WP_20141129_15_16_32_Pro (1)Infusion day seemed a fitting event for experiencing Lupus Awareness Month with flare.  With the day spent in a circular junket around town, my little PT cruised from doctor to doctor for treatment for lingering problems from a recent car accident, and then to an annual Plaquenil eye check up.  With two hours to spare, I stopped in for manicure and a pedicure, and had an interesting discovery.Hair curls, manicures, pedicures but no lupus cures...

When the nail tech removed the bright purple nail polish, she noticed that the big toe nail had separated from the nail bed, but without any apparent reason such as fungus or infection.  It appears my big toe nail completely died, and the nail stopped growing several weeks ago.

The salon suggested that trauma during my late March trip and fall at the shopping mall killed the nail.  Perhaps while scuffing knees and straining the ankle, the nail bed base also sustained a hefty wallop on the edge of the cement step or the sidewalk.  The nail salon urged me to show my toe nail to the nurse while at the rheumatologist’s office for my monthly Benlysta infusion.

The verdict,  “Expect to lose the toe nail soon.”  Well, it seems the summer  fashion forecast lacks any nail vanity, and just in time for sandal season.  It will be interesting looking for closed toed summer shoes for a niece’s late July wedding.  What fun!

The infusion was the last planned stop of the full “medical” day.

infusion in handThe afternoon passed in the infusion chair with a monstrous accounting textbook perched on my lap and a fresh yellow highlighter gliding across the pages.

Eventually it was hard to pay attention to studying for my college class.  The friendly chatter of a couple of other patients getting RA infusions was more engaging than dwelling on the accounting formula, “Assets = Liabilities + Owner’s Equity”.  Without asking, it was clear they obviously didn’t want to chat about accounting!

No one does.  The reason is hard to pin down, but no one else seems to get very enthused about chatting about or otherwise dwelling on accounting theory, either!

thDDSVWJG3After all the fun traveling from Arizona to Philadelphia for the 2015 GSK Lupus Blogger Summit, life and reality always have their return.  The high point was stepping off the plane 10 minutes earlier than expected and calling on the cell phone to find out my husband was already almost at the airport.  It is so nice when you have those moments that remind you that the one you miss, misses you, too!  After leaving the east coast at noon it was eight when a suitcase and tired girl slipped into the pickup truck.

Hungry and tired, we stopped off at a coffee shop for comfort food, pie and a coke, did some catching up.  A friend was working last night, and waited on our table, and with the sodas, placed a fresh red carnation table in front of me with the gentle explanation, “a flower for you.”  That was sweet and a welcoming thought after a long, flight weary day.  Tummies full and spirits a little revived, we were thankful to be together and soon ready for the last five-minute trip home.

Exhaustion overtook both of us, and after a quick shower blasted away the grime of taxicabs, airports, and airplanes, sleep arrived almost instantaneously.  The night passed nearly as quickly, ending abruptly with the welcome smell of fresh coffee on the bed table beside me.  Leaning on the pile of pillows he tossed my direction from the nearby bench, eyelids drooped off to moments of sleep and husband’s chatter between sips from a warm caffeine-filled mug.

th2C28Z9N0Unlike the night, morning moved very, very slowly, matched only by slow reflexes and even slower murky disconnected thoughts.  If ever there was a day to be tempted to call in sick with my lupus after a trip, this was it.  Unlike the sweltering sauna on the east coast, the Arizona desert morning was unexpectedly crisp and refreshing.  After kissing my husband goodbye in the driveway, the second cup of coffee led me through the house into the back yard’s fresh air and fragrant rose blossoms.

Delightfully, the cool morning breeze invigorated and refreshed, as deep draughts of blustery breeze wakened a sleepy set of lungs, slapping fresh life into the lupus fogged gal walking around the yard in my slippers!  The day began to look suddenly promising and worthy of pursuit.  The refrain actually passed over astonished lips, “Oh, what a beautiful morning!”  What a blessing to be home in my back yard!

Quickly gathering all the loose ends of hair, clothing, keys and a sack lunch, every thing seemed to tumble to the floor as a startling reminder CNS lupus might be a little flared from exertion and travel.  The reality of lupus limitations has a sneaky way of keeping a gal humble.

The commute drive was executed with extra care and attention, followed by a couple of conversations at work with obvious moments of difficult enunciation.  Mild lingering CNS difficulty lasted through mid afternoon, but finally the fog burned away completely.  Eventually, the morning song continued into later afternoon with, “Oh, what a beautiful day!”

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Breakfast of Lupus Champions @TiffanyAndLupus @LAlupuslady @LeslieRott and @LupusAdventurer (taking pix)

Sharing stories and coffee we nibble and smile,
while catching a quick bite to eat.
All kindred spirits fighting for health,
if only our foe to defeat!

We strive and endeavor to get the word out
and tell anyone who will hear
Awareness of facts each person should know,
information to replace their fear.

WP_20150512_001Each of us bloggers and advocates strong,
we gather with purpose as one,
We’ll talk and discuss issues we know so well,
informally we’ve already begun.

A few minutes later we join all the rest,
in the summit we’ve come to create,
With meeting of minds, a free flow of thoughts,
and messages we each came to state.

For just a few hours, we gathered together,
a great combination of voices we were,
Relationships strengthened in this rare adventure.
If only there could be a cure!

Short of that miracle, so much can be done
through research and tireless care,
Joining perspectives and wisdom diverse
by patient advocates with personal flare!

Our voice will be different, more united and strong,
after meeting together today,
What once was just virtual has leapt into life,
after meeting in this wonderful way.

Encouraged and enthused, still striving on
to reach out to every life we can touch,
Advocating, writing, and partnering together.
Alone, we could never do as much!

Lupus Adventurer
© May 2015


Edited in Lumia Selfie

Lupus Adventurer and Sarah Gorman at GSK Lupus Summit

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Leslie Rott @LeslieRott

#GSKsummit Lupus Summit

#GSKsummit on Lupus @shanelleG @LeslieRott @LAlupuslady @LupusAdventurer @cmswrites @TiffanyAndLupus @marlajan @despitelupus

A very special thank you goes out to Glasko Smith Kline for sponsoring the May 12, 2015 GSK Summit on Lupus — #GSKsummit , and inviting  lupus bloggers to join in this precedent-setting lupus event. Note to Reader: GSK provided reimbursement for travel and expenses to attend the GSK Lupus Summit.  However, this post is voluntary, represents my own views and I was not paid to write it, nor asked to promote GSK or its medicines.

Edited in Lumia Selfie

Charlotte, NC Airport

All day was spent traveling from Arizona to Philadelphia… three airports, two flights and a taxi ride.  Sitting here in the hotel room, the view includes the GSK Corporate offices next door, and the 76er’s and Eagles’ sports complex.  This is a great time to kick up heels and unwind before looking for some dinner.

Taken with Lumia Selfie

Boarding for Philly

GSK had a welcome packet waiting at hotel front desk, in preparation for tomorrow’s GSK 2015 Lupus Summit — #GSKsummit — and it seems the other bloggers have not yet arrived.  It will be great to meet some of the other participants who have been social media “pen pals”.

The updated list of participants in the welcome packets includes lupus bloggers with these Twitter addresses: @marlajan, @ShanelleG @despitelupus, @LAlupuslady, @lupusguru, @TiffanyAndLupus, @cmswrites, @LupusChickcom, @LeslieRott, @QueenofSpain, and of course, “moi”, @LupusAdventurer.

Looking forward to tomorrow’s adventure.  Follow us tomorrow on Twitter.

cc

My Mother’s Favorite Queen Anne’s Lace

http://www.worldlupusday.org/

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Softening that first impulse… Stop, breathe, think and pray!

Accidents happen!  For emotional and spiritual health, it is important after a traumatic injury to start by sorting out emotions and clarify the difference between fault and malice.  If someone was at fault due to negligent, careless, or otherwise the unintentional actions causing an injury, for our own health and peace of mind we should try to forgive them. They did not mean to cause hurt, as there was no malice in their actions.

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Admitting responsibility

We should not confuse forgiveness with the need to hold others responsible for the results of their actions, but we should understand we will only hurt our own heart and spirit by rehearsing and feeding anger and resentment toward someone who caused our injury.  Imperfect humans cause accidents, and we should see them as simply that.  Imperfect.  Human.

Amazingly and unexpectedly, healing began right at the scene of a recent accident, when the man who caused it stood there by the side of the road, holding out his hand with regret on his face.  Hands were shaken and the lament in his eyes was clearly genuine, his words of apology were real, and his full acceptance of fault meant only one thing.  He was concerned with my wellbeing, took responsibility for his actions, and deserved nothing short of immediate forgiveness.

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Expressing a response of kindness

Thanking him for his integrity and sincere apology, it was somehow easy to  shake his hand and respond with a message of kindness.  Agreeing the insurance companies would work out the financial issues, our clear understanding was that the gentleman was clearly at fault.  I felt compelled to assure him of the absence of resentment or anger toward him.

As we shook hands again upon leaving, our polite agreement was that it was just an accident, and that it had happened because we are imperfect and make mistakes.  It was a heavy, bumper-to-bumper rush-hour traffic jam, and we were grateful only the two of us were involved.  Accepting this perspective on the situation helped immediately dismiss strong negative emotions and shift attention to thankfulness for the good aspects of the otherwise generally negative experience.  Considering that we both walked away in “one piece”, no one else was hurt, and we amicably communicated at the side of the highway, we had much to be thankful for!

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Bright spot in memory of accident

In the midst of the early pain of injuries, the gentle human connection with the other driver remains now a little glimmering bright spot in memories of the traumatic experience.

Sometimes we feel justified in our anger, but we are not forced to exercise that “right”.  If someone causes injury for reasons such as mal intent, criminal negligence such as drunk driving, over aggressive driving, or road rage, it might still behoove us to show charity of heart and pity them for their poor self-control and lack of wisdom, and not focus the inwardly destructive potency of hatred upon them.

Many times these infractions ultimately put the erring doer in jail, with severe legal punishment, fines, and restitution.  We should choose to let that be enough.  God’s important message to us in the Bible on this issue gives us that better perspective.  “Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink… be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.” Romans 12: 19-20.  The negative emotion of resentment hurts the one who hates more than it affects the object of such feelings.  Just as forgiveness is emotionally and spiritually healing and freeing, resentment and hatred bring a painful grip that hurts and damages the hater more that the hated.

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How many times must I forgive?

Jesus said we should forgive our brother that hurts or wrongs us, not only seven times like an inquirer had suggested to Him, but instead we should forgive them “seventy times seven”.  That comes to 440 times!  It seems pretty clear that He did not infer that we should stop forgiving the 441st time someone wrongs us, but perhaps by then we will have well exercised our ability to forgive with reasonable success.

thL96KOAO8While it is impossible to count the number of other people throughout time who have ever lived on the face of the earth, Jesus bore the sins of all of us in His body on the cross, that He might bring us to God.  He offers lasting forgiveness to us, not at the side of the road, but at the foot of the cross.  If we will accept his sacrifice there for our own sins, and receive his offer of love, forgiveness, and eternal life, we can walk away spiritually healed and whole.  The apostle Paul explained, “for the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord” Romans 3:23.

The body will heal, although lupus may flare after trauma, that will pass in time.  More important than the healing of our body, or any flares of chronic illness such as lupus triggered by trauma or stress, is the healing of our heart, soul and spirit.  Sinners like me who are saved by God’s gracious undeserved kindness, can choose to extend the healing of simple forgiveness to fellow sinners who happen to collide with them on the roadway of life.  With God’s help, I can, too!

Forgiveness does not happen by accident, but rather it is a choice.  I have made mine, and as a result, am well on the road back to health!

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