As I stand barefoot on my cold, wet beach and watch the receding tidal wave of lupus fatigue ebb away from my shore, I see surrounding me the vast lifestyle devastation the overwhelming flood of tiredness left in its wake. Mayhem is everywhere. Laundry sits unfolded, dust accumulated, real and junk mail sit in an unsorted stack overflowing my desk, and my rugs and floors are looking pretty sorry indeed! All around is a general sense of disordered clutter and mishap.
While seeking a means to withstand the exhaustion and bone-tired feelings, all my work seemed half-abandoned at home and at the office. I spent many days sleeping until noon, some days telecommuting, some days lounging in pajamas all day, a few days going in for half-days, but braved only a couple of full in-the-office work days. The siege of fatigue waters have left an unkempt landscape about me as my physical weariness finally begins to recede.
Once again, I begin to pick up the scattered domestic and professional pieces of my normal life following a lupus flare.
Although this flare has been quite disabling and my lupus arthritis was very aggravated, I am thankful that neither my central nervous system lupus nor neuropathy flared. Through the last couple of weeks, these often clear manifestations of my lupus have remained unusually quiet, and for this I am grateful. At least, this was not an all out every system lupus attack, it was merely physical and not mental. The only predictable thing about lupus is its unpredictability.
I had hope yesterday and even more this morning that my two-week flare of lupus fatigue is finally ending.
Yesterday brought a massive real weather storm to Arizona, and parts of the Phoenix valley saw snow, sleet and hail – a rare phenomenon in our desert city! I stood on the second floor balcony at work with co-workers, as we held our hands out to catch and look at the soft white substance that melted on our hands and accumulated on ground below. My son-in-law, a native Phoenician, regaled us last night with a report of his first experience driving in snow.
Although we had heavy rain and icy forms of precipitation all day long, I was feeling measurably better and was able to work a full day at the office. My joints were still very sore, but my spirits and energy were on the rise.
This morning, as I hear the birds singing outside my window, I feel a little like joining them. Perhaps a couple of the areas of disorder that are now beginning to bother me will get tackled this morning. Earlier this morning, I stood outside in the 48 degree morning chatting with husband while his rain-soaked car warmed its engine and dripped into the puddles on our driveway. The cool, moist morning air felt refreshing today instead of wearying.
With near exuberance I heard myself proclaim, “I feel almost like myself again.”
Indeed, every storm has an ending, and today, I have once again found my fighting spirit!
I am just now reminded of the scriptural words I sang to a simple hymn I played yesterday morning at the piano. “This is the day that the Lord has made, we will rejoice and be glad in it,” Psalm 118:24.